New Poll

Ok, Bertha and I are not getting along. At.ALL. She basically ruins my life. She's annoying and irritable and she blurts out things that shouldn't be said outloud.
I hope anyone who is forced to interact with me can be patient, and overlook ALOT for the next 5 months.
For those of who live far away from me-count yourselves blessed. And if you call, be prepared. Because...

Bertha is a beast.

I know some people really seem to like her. My kids love that they get McDonald's fries and Dairy Queen ice cream a lot more. Lots of people love her because when they're having a really bad day or feeling inadequate, all they have to do is look at Bertha and they feel better about themselves. And I'm sure there's even some people who like annoying people who say things they shouldn't and are lazier than all get out. But some people, like me, can't stand her.

So, I decided to do a new poll. I got tired of looking at my "Should Sara have a fence?" poll, especially since we still don't have a fence.

I want the skinny. Your opinion. How do you feel about Bertha???

Be honest. Any answer you put will make Bertha mad, no matter what. So don't worry about offending her-You will.

:-)

Bertha's School

Bertha's version of home school:



It's best to get Math done first thing in the morning while their minds are fresh. So right after breakfast......


"Ok! Everyone pick up 20 pieces of food. Ready...Set....Go!"


(I know you're doing the math....3 X 20 = 60 pieces of FOOD!!!!!! Yes, it's possible, and there's still ample left for the vacuum.)

This activity can also count for P.E. since they are doing so much crouching and bending.


Great, now that math is done for the day....


Spelling

If child asks for treat right after breakfast...


"N-O! That spells No. Everyone with me...N-O!"


Of course, Bertha will promptly have her 8 am treat.

"Y-E-S! That spells Yes! treats for Mom."



Handwriting


Each child writes 3-10 times (depending on age),


"I will not tease my brother/sister."


or "My mother is the best woman in the world." depending on what kind of correction is needed.



Science


Have them inspect the dead flies as they clean the windows in their bedrooms.


History

Read the Bible story about Ananias and Sapphira who are struck down dead when they lie.
(Acts 5:1-11)

Try to encourage a strong, healthy fear of lying.


Well, that's a day!


What a wonderful feeling to know that today the children have been well-educated, each subject has been thoroughly explored, and in the comfort and love of their own home!


And it's only 9:30 in the morning!


That leaves lots of time for Bertha to lie on the couch reading like the lazy bum that she is. Too bad chocolate makes her want to puke. :-(
That's all that's missing.

Sara says, "If the school district calls, I'm going to tell them exactly what kind of teacher Mrs. Bertha is. These children are suffering because of her ridiculous ideas of what education should be!!!!"

Unfortunately, Sara is locked up, hands bound, mind fogged, and willpower extinguished for another 6 months.

(Evil cackling in the background......)

Bertha is BACK!

Who is Bertha? Well, obviously the woman pictured above is Bertha. Who is she?



I don't know.



I just googled "Bertha insane" and this is the first image that popped up, so there you go.



But, she's back!!!!!!!!



Bertha is back, and it's Bertha's fault that I haven't blogged in a long time.



It's Bertha's fault that I didn't shower until 1 pm today.



It's Bertha's fault that I eat McDonald's way too much!



Oh yeah, I never explained who Bertha is.



Well, if any of you all have read the captivating classic, Jane Eyre, you know about the crazy lady in the attic. But unless you've read Wide Sargasso Sea, the prequel written over 100 years after Jane Eyre, you don't know that crazy Bertha was not always crazy Bertha, but started out as lovely Antoinette.

Ok, sorry to bore you.

Bertha is nothing more than my adopted name for myself when I am pregnant, with child, "in that way".

Yes, so there's the news.

Bertha is Back!

And why am I Bertha when I'm pregnant?

Because from conception to birth, this fog takes over my brain and transforms all my normally charming personality traits:-) into weird, awkward, irritable, not so desirable traits. :-(

I'm telling you I am not myself!

I know, I know! Pregnant women are supposed to be glowing and exuberant with the new life in them. Kudos to the women who are. Because, in my book, pregnancy is a necessary evil, an unpleasant means to a glorious end. And hey-according to the scriptures, it's not meant to be a holiday picnic, so I'm not totally off my rocker.

Am I choosing to blame all my unfriendliness and laziness on this non-existent Bertha?

You better believe it.

After all, I am pregnant. I deserve McDonalds when I want it. I don't have to shower if I don't want to. I can eat cold cereal all day if I want to. I can have bad grammar if I want to.

(See what I mean??? This entitlement attitude is not Sara! It's Bertha!)

So, basically -watch out. Cuz, Bertha's Back. It ain't gonna be pretty. But, sometime around the middle of March, it will be over.

Yes, there is a deadline to the madness.

So, now that you've been properly warned....

Keep LIVIN' THE DREAM!

By the way, can anyone explain to me why McDonald's doesn't start it's lunch menu until 11am? I mean, come on! Can't they give a pregnant lady a cheeseburger at 10:30 in the morning if she wants one?????

Maybe I should call 911 and complain.

Better yet, I'll have Bertha do it.

Like Lambs

Even down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love.
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still,
Like lambs shall they still,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

verse 6 of "How Firm A Foundation"

Once my Dad saw a picture of the Savior carrying a black lamb. Many times since he told me that he felt like that black lamb. (Of course, once I lovingly told him that he actually enjoyed being a black sheep:-)

Today when I was singing my all-time favorite hymn, "How Firm A Foundation", this verse made me think of my Dad. I'll always remember those gray temples that I kissed so many times in the last few weeks of his life, the whole experience that proved Heavenly Father's sovereign and unchangeable love, and the knowledge that once Dad's life was finally complete, he was indeed borne in the bosom of our Savior.

Thanks Dad, for making the hymn sweeter still.

Wallace Falls

Wallace Falls!

I love this hike. Olivia wanted to go hiking for her birthday today, and it was the perfect day for a hike. The great thing about this hike is that it's so dense with Washington foilage that I don't have to lather up 8 arms, 8 legs and 4 faces with sunscreen! Whoo-hoo! But, really-it's a gorgeous place, and I'm hoping these pics entice people to come visit us in Washington! Come on--you know you wanna!














I love the mossy trees. It's so not what I'm used to-being from Idaho desert. The spongy beauty gets me every time.















stair-step kids on the bridge



















Crazy Kids. Anyone want to take a shot at guessing how come my kids are so weird???
AIEE didn't think so...
















At one point, Emily fell behind. When I looked back, she was like this. She popped her head up for a second and said, "I need to pray." ????
















Me with Kevin in the backpack. I think he liked it. He fell asleep at the end...

Great quote. Just ignore the graffiti on the side

So, it was a great day. All that was missing was our manly man, missing in action as he works hard to wrap up work before a long-needed break next week.

And aside from several all-natural potty breaks and Sam calling a fellow hiker a "booger king", it was pretty uneventful as far as patience-trying-events go.

Oh-and it took my lame self like an hour to upload and arrange all these pictures!!!! So, I hope all you peoples love looking at them, because uh...things might be more sparse in the future.

Manners Backfired!

When I was pregnant with Kevin, my little Emily was very interested in large bellies. She would point out various pregnant and not-pregnant people, and ask if they also had babies in their bellies.

Eventually, I told her that it wasn't really nice to ask people if they had a baby in their belly, because if they didn't, it could hurt their feelings.

Well, let's just say that my little manners lesson backfired.

While visiting family this last month, my sweet Emily said to someone,

"It wouldn't be nice for me to ask if you have a baby in your belly!"

Sigh...

You gotta love innocent children-unrestrained in their speech and free from social boundaries!!!

Still Here!!

Nope, I haven't entirely given up blogging. I still stink at it, but that's not why I haven't blogged for a while.

I've been very blessed to be able to spend the last few weeks with my father before he passed away yesterday.

Since I don't really blog about my real life (just silly rantings), I will not elaborate.
Sorry!
If you care to know any more, give me a call! :-)

Or you could check out my sister's blog
http://www.nelsonhappenings2.blogspot.com

She's posted a little about the experience, AND she has pictures of my ultra-handsome and amazing Dad.

Anyway, just wanted to let y'all know I'm still here disgracing the blogging world!!

but, hey-did I just post a link that actually worked???

This could be progress.