Trusting

Olivia went to school on Monday.
Yes. School school.
I know! It was unexpected to me as well.
I feel....like my right arm has been cut off.

I feel like a duck trying to peel a banana.

I feel out of sorts.

Sigh...

It started about a week ago when I had this nagging, persistent feeling that there was something I was supposed to be doing that I wasn't doing.

I know I'm not perfect, so I could think of A LOT of things it COULD be. But, nothing gave me peace until I prayed and said,
"OK! What is it?"

And clear as a bell:

"Olivia needs to go to school"

Um...excuse me?

But.I.homeschool. WE homeschool! We love it. And this year has been the best year yet!

"Well, Olivia still needs to go to school"

But homeschooling is a good thing, right???

You know all the reasons I homeschool and don't send her to school, right??

Yes, He knows because He knows me.

But He sees something better or best.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, thus saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I had my plans.

Yes I did.

And my plans never included public school.

And I mean never.

At least not completely. Sure, maybe sports or choir or band in the upper grades.

But all day, 9-3 school?

Nope. Not for us.

I had my plans.

But His plan is better than the cleverest, wisest, most inspired plan I could come up with.

So what do I do?

I trust.

I trust that everything I see as a disadvantage to public school will work out.

I trust that Olivia will thrive.

I trust that I will be able to "let go" to a degree.

I trust that someday I will understand the WHY.

And honestly, the hardest part hasn't been sending her to school.

It's been hearing all the "Oh-was she falling behind?"

"Oh-was it for the socialization?"

"Oh-that will make everything better!"

Um...

Sorry. But she was AHEAD of the game, and the "socialization" is a DISadvantage in my book, and tell me-How will this make things better when they were already going GREAT?

I've had to swallow my pride.

And keep trusting.

So please don't sound excited and tell me this is a good thing.
I know it's right.

I know it's His will.

But, I'm still grieving.

And trusting...