Blog Stress

Ok-at the beginning I told you my blog wouldn't be all cutesy. But, I have to admit, I got tired of blah brown.
So, here's something new.

Unfortunately, doing this stressed me out. Nobody told me I'd have to change all my font colors and my template!!!
This is why I decided not to make it cutesy in the first place.

And then the whole time, I'm trying to pick a background that was different than what I normally pick. You know-branch out, something new!

I could hear my mom's voice, "Sigh. Your wardrobe needs more color. Why don't you ever pick anything with color?" I could hear my husband's laughter when I tell him our house needs more color and then I go out and buy something.....
You guessed it..
brown.

I can't help it. I love earth tones, I've always love earth tones, and I will always love earth tones. When it's easter and springtime, my blog might STILL be earth tones.

But, for now-I've been saved by the fact that it's fall and we are SUPPOSED to celebrate earth tones right now.

So, cheer for the cut and paste! It's done. I have attempted to be a little cutesy.

A few of my Favorite Things...

So, another nightmare is keeping me awake with disturbed feelings. Apparently, it's normal.
Don't you love how they call a lot of weird and unpleasant things "normal" during pregnancy? Nausea, hands tingling, horrible nightmares, headaches, depression, leg cramps at night, hating to eat what you usually love, and loving what you usually hate, and all you get is, "Oh-that's normal"
I knew I never liked being normal. I much prefer being weird.

Ok-but I need to stop! Because I'm blogging tonight to be POSITIVE.
To get my disturbed nightmare out of mind by listing some of " my FAV-o-rite things".


So here goes:

fast food

thigh high nylons when I'm pregnant

When I'm in the dairy/meat aisle of the grocery store, throw in a package of hot dogs, and Olivia yells to her brother 15 feet away (and thus all other customers in the dairy/meat aisle) "Mom's being lazy again!!! She just put hot dogs in the cart!"

fast food

When my kids know it's Friday (our day off) and they sigh, "I wish we were doing school today."

When my husband gets home from work, ask the kids what they learned in school today, and they say, "nothing."

fast food

Fries dipped in Dairy Queen ice cream

fast food

online Christmas shopping

When my husband gets home from work, asks me how my day was, and my face crumples up like a little girl who's been trying not to cry all day because someone hurt her feelings, and my husband quickly says, "I'll make dinner."
Sigh. Gotta love that guy.

When the guy at church who (every single time I get pregnant) asks me "You do know how that happens, right?" (as if being pregnant is a mistake), miraculously doesn't ask me this time.
Maybe it's because last pregnancy when he said that, I gave him a Bertha look and one of those fake "a ha" laughs.
Obviously, Bertha doesn't have a very good sense of humor.

any food I don't have to make

When I make it all the way to October before I do my annual "lock the keys in my car" routine and wait 2 hours for the tow truck guy to unlock my van. Tell my husband to get me a car-breaker-inner thing for Christmas. PLEEEASSEE!

fast food

When an apostle of God says that his kids used to say "Stop touching me!" and "He's breathing my air!!!" during scripture reading. There is hope, people! There is hope!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

"And then I don't feeeeeeel so Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Ok, so maybe this list would be better titled "Favorite Moments".

And I realize a lot of them were sarcastic. Sorry. That's Bertha. Or Sara on hormones.
And well....she's trying.

I am sincere about the fast food! and the thigh highs!

I feel much better now, don't you?

Guess I'll go back to sleep.

The Pattern Breaks

The nightmare test is still good. If you haven't heard what my nightmare test is, it's simply that I have nightmares when I'm pregnant, and only when I'm pregnant.

When I'm pregnant with a girl, it's a nightmare where I'm being attacked and am totally vulnerable. When it's a boy, I am very aggressively defending myself against attackers-you know, like killing people. Yes, they are fun dreams, let me tell you.

So, very very early on, I had this nightmare where it was kind of questionable what the gender was, but I thought it was a girly nightmare. But, then I had two very obvious boy nightmares.
(The last one of me single-handedly wrenching a gun from a school-shooting maniac-I'M A HERO!)

But I was kind of in denial because history shows it should be a girl, right?

So, our perfect GirlBoyGirlBoy pattern will be broken by the arrival of our next munchkin.

Yes, it's a boy. And he was very obvious about it and was even pointing at his gender with his right hand. I'd post the picture, but somehow that didn't seem like the thing to do.?

I have to admit, I am a little befuddled. I was totally into the alternating baby clothes thing, and to think that I'll be pulling out the baby BOY clothes a mere 22 months after using them for the last baby just kind of blows my groove.

But, he's healthy and we are of course, thrilled. And as my husband pointed out, our boys have a been a lot...uh...easier to deal with... so far... so this is a good thing.

Now, if only we could agree on Boy names.

And no, Bertha will have no say in naming the baby. She votes for Yugert Bilth. Ugh!

Crazy Money

Sometimes I think my husband is crazy. And sometimes he is. Aren't we all??

We are soooo well matched that sometimes we are quite opposite in our thinking. For instance, one of us tends to be cynical and distrusting and paranoid, and the other one is like, "la la la! All is well-trust everyone."

Want to guess who is who??? :-)Ha ha

Anyway, so recently my husband took out half of our 401K to deposit temporarily at our Credit Union until he decides how to better invest it. He's been buying silver. You know-the old-fashioned, actually made-out-of-silver coins. The ones that are worth something even if U.S. currency collapses.

Yes, that is the very fear that is driving his (what I deemed) madness. The potential collapse of the U.S. dollar.

Now, you might wonder that I'm not revolting against these wild actions. But, Bertha doesn't care about much...at all.

She tries not to make decisions...at all.. if she can avoid it..while she's Bertha.
And, you know, when it comes to financial matters, I'm usually like, "la la la. All is well-it's just money. Who cares?" I'm the kind who would probably just stash cash under my mattress if I didn't have a husband who would stop me.

So, anyway he goes to deposit this large check from our 401K at the credit union and it's sizeable enough that the manager has to come and verify it.

And out of curiousity the manager asked him why he was withdrawing so much from his 401K. He told her, "I have no faith in the future of the American dollar."

She said, "Oh, that's what a lot of people have said who have been coming in here. I've seen a lot of large checks like this in the last few months."

Whaaa???

You mean there are more crazies out there??? My husband is not the only one!
Or maybe
Just maybe....

He's not as crazy as I thought.

It got me thinking. And then I thought, what if it really happens? What if the dollar collapses? It will be another moment...yet another in a long list...of oblivious me saying to my crazy husband..."wow. I can't believe you were right! Thanks for saving our behinds, hon!"

You know that scripture, "every man who has been warned, should warn his neighbor"? Well, I know that refers to sharing the gospel, but it's been running through my mind about this.
So, what the heck? It doesn't hurt to be prepared. At the risk of being seen as crazy-

Be Warned!

It could happen. Who knows?

New Poll

Ok, Bertha and I are not getting along. At.ALL. She basically ruins my life. She's annoying and irritable and she blurts out things that shouldn't be said outloud.
I hope anyone who is forced to interact with me can be patient, and overlook ALOT for the next 5 months.
For those of who live far away from me-count yourselves blessed. And if you call, be prepared. Because...

Bertha is a beast.

I know some people really seem to like her. My kids love that they get McDonald's fries and Dairy Queen ice cream a lot more. Lots of people love her because when they're having a really bad day or feeling inadequate, all they have to do is look at Bertha and they feel better about themselves. And I'm sure there's even some people who like annoying people who say things they shouldn't and are lazier than all get out. But some people, like me, can't stand her.

So, I decided to do a new poll. I got tired of looking at my "Should Sara have a fence?" poll, especially since we still don't have a fence.

I want the skinny. Your opinion. How do you feel about Bertha???

Be honest. Any answer you put will make Bertha mad, no matter what. So don't worry about offending her-You will.

:-)

Bertha's School

Bertha's version of home school:



It's best to get Math done first thing in the morning while their minds are fresh. So right after breakfast......


"Ok! Everyone pick up 20 pieces of food. Ready...Set....Go!"


(I know you're doing the math....3 X 20 = 60 pieces of FOOD!!!!!! Yes, it's possible, and there's still ample left for the vacuum.)

This activity can also count for P.E. since they are doing so much crouching and bending.


Great, now that math is done for the day....


Spelling

If child asks for treat right after breakfast...


"N-O! That spells No. Everyone with me...N-O!"


Of course, Bertha will promptly have her 8 am treat.

"Y-E-S! That spells Yes! treats for Mom."



Handwriting


Each child writes 3-10 times (depending on age),


"I will not tease my brother/sister."


or "My mother is the best woman in the world." depending on what kind of correction is needed.



Science


Have them inspect the dead flies as they clean the windows in their bedrooms.


History

Read the Bible story about Ananias and Sapphira who are struck down dead when they lie.
(Acts 5:1-11)

Try to encourage a strong, healthy fear of lying.


Well, that's a day!


What a wonderful feeling to know that today the children have been well-educated, each subject has been thoroughly explored, and in the comfort and love of their own home!


And it's only 9:30 in the morning!


That leaves lots of time for Bertha to lie on the couch reading like the lazy bum that she is. Too bad chocolate makes her want to puke. :-(
That's all that's missing.

Sara says, "If the school district calls, I'm going to tell them exactly what kind of teacher Mrs. Bertha is. These children are suffering because of her ridiculous ideas of what education should be!!!!"

Unfortunately, Sara is locked up, hands bound, mind fogged, and willpower extinguished for another 6 months.

(Evil cackling in the background......)

Bertha is BACK!

Who is Bertha? Well, obviously the woman pictured above is Bertha. Who is she?



I don't know.



I just googled "Bertha insane" and this is the first image that popped up, so there you go.



But, she's back!!!!!!!!



Bertha is back, and it's Bertha's fault that I haven't blogged in a long time.



It's Bertha's fault that I didn't shower until 1 pm today.



It's Bertha's fault that I eat McDonald's way too much!



Oh yeah, I never explained who Bertha is.



Well, if any of you all have read the captivating classic, Jane Eyre, you know about the crazy lady in the attic. But unless you've read Wide Sargasso Sea, the prequel written over 100 years after Jane Eyre, you don't know that crazy Bertha was not always crazy Bertha, but started out as lovely Antoinette.

Ok, sorry to bore you.

Bertha is nothing more than my adopted name for myself when I am pregnant, with child, "in that way".

Yes, so there's the news.

Bertha is Back!

And why am I Bertha when I'm pregnant?

Because from conception to birth, this fog takes over my brain and transforms all my normally charming personality traits:-) into weird, awkward, irritable, not so desirable traits. :-(

I'm telling you I am not myself!

I know, I know! Pregnant women are supposed to be glowing and exuberant with the new life in them. Kudos to the women who are. Because, in my book, pregnancy is a necessary evil, an unpleasant means to a glorious end. And hey-according to the scriptures, it's not meant to be a holiday picnic, so I'm not totally off my rocker.

Am I choosing to blame all my unfriendliness and laziness on this non-existent Bertha?

You better believe it.

After all, I am pregnant. I deserve McDonalds when I want it. I don't have to shower if I don't want to. I can eat cold cereal all day if I want to. I can have bad grammar if I want to.

(See what I mean??? This entitlement attitude is not Sara! It's Bertha!)

So, basically -watch out. Cuz, Bertha's Back. It ain't gonna be pretty. But, sometime around the middle of March, it will be over.

Yes, there is a deadline to the madness.

So, now that you've been properly warned....

Keep LIVIN' THE DREAM!

By the way, can anyone explain to me why McDonald's doesn't start it's lunch menu until 11am? I mean, come on! Can't they give a pregnant lady a cheeseburger at 10:30 in the morning if she wants one?????

Maybe I should call 911 and complain.

Better yet, I'll have Bertha do it.