HUGE

*********WARNING!!!**********

This is another pregnancy post. If you're sick of hearing me complain...don't read on..

So, I'm huge.
I know it's true because I am a pretty observant person. Yessiree.
Here's my list of

Clues:

1. I outgrew all my maternity clothes a month ago (and those clothes were huge)

2. The scale seems to tell me that I've gained 50 pounds, and I've still got 2 more months to go. I would say it's lying, but when I suggest this to the midwives they just nod their heads and scribble something in their folder. I don't think they believe me.

3. I've been measuring 3-6 weeks too big for the last month and a half.

4. I knock into people with my belly when trying to maneuver through the crowded hallway after church every Sunday.

5. It is painful to stand at the kitchen sink, but my arms are too short to scrub the dishes properly unless the counter presses into my belly a couple of inches.

6. My belly pushes my legs out 45 degrees whenever I sit down or walk up stairs.

7. If I sit too long, my legs fall asleep because my belly cuts off their circulation

So, it doesn't take a Sherlock Holmes to ascertain that I AM HUGE>

But, fortunately, mercifully, thankfully-JUST IN CASE!!!
I have people around me to remind me how HUGE I am.

Like the stranger at Fred Meyer who was staring at my belly for so long that even my daughter noticed and said, "Mom! That lady was staring at your belly! Isn't that....rude??"

Ok-maybe I'm paranoid. I guess she could have been counting my kids 1, 2, 3, 4...and seen my belly ...5! Maybe that's why she was staring.

Or the person at church who says (without fail, every Sunday) REALLY Loud, "WHOA. You sure are big. When are you due?????!!!!"
Maybe I should just write MARCH 17 on my forehead before venturing out of my home.

Or the other stranger at Fred Meyer who said, "Any day now, huh?!" when they saw me waddling next to them. I should've just told them "Actually, I'm 2 weeks overdue!"

Or the people who ask if I'm having twins when I've told them repeatedly, "nope, just one baby in there!"

Aren't I lucky to have these people around me??? JUST IN CASE I forget.
............................................................
Ok-I feel guilty for being so sarcastic. I haven't quite locked Bertha in the closet, yet.

So, I'll finish by saying THANK YOU! to all my sweet friends and family who DO NOT remind me how huge I am.

Like my awesome sister-in-law who saw me at Christmas and said she thought I was due in MAY!!!!!

Such love...

And just because I know you're dying to see...
Here's a picture:

Me in a black shirt.

Insight

I love it when you get a glimpse into your child's mind.

For instance, today I was grading Olivia's logic work from this morning.
She's just finished a section on analogies.
You know...hot is to cold as rough is to _______.
So, today she got to make up her own analogies to wrap up the section.

The last one on the page gave me insight into her perspective. :-)

It was this: Teacher is to student ______________________-and she was supposed to make up the rest.

Olivia's completed analogy: Teacher is to student as master is to slave.
Hmmm....
Guess it's clear how she views things.:-)

Tornado

Right now
My house
looks like a tornado came through
Literally.
You know when you see those stories on the news where people are living in filth and squalor? And everyone is appalled and the children are taken away and the house is condemned?
Yep, that's us right now.

Ok-I admit-minus the animal feces and 10 poisonous snakes that roam free. It could be worse.
But, really all it takes it one day of ME doing nothing and this is what we get.
Please tell me mine is not the only house that looks like this some days? or weeks....:-)
Please.
It would make me feel better.

Sam and I fantasize about making really weird movies together-like Napoleon Dynamite movies. On days when our house looks particularly messy, we've talked about doing a commercial for a household cleaning tool that would work much like a powerful leaf-blower. Blow that thing around for a few seconds and Voila! The floor is clear and ready to be vacuumed. :-) Wearing really cool goggles, of course.

Today would be a perfect day to start that commercial.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wanted to share this video that I came across today. Have you seen it, yet? It's great.
It hit me hard tonight.

I think it hit me because I'm feeling weary.
This pregnancy has been pretty tough for me.
Bertha is pretty crazy and funny, but in reality-having her around gets old....really...really...fast.
Basically, I would never want to relive these last few months, and knowing that there's 4 more months to go makes me want to sink to the floor in despair.

But I know I'm not alone. I know there are others out there, whether I am aware of them or not, who are going through stinky stinkin' stinky times. So, if you are one of them, then maybe this video will help you, too. Even if life is smooth sailing right now, it's still a great video.

For me, it helped me remember that as much as I hate to say it
sometimes-I need these trials. They are necessary. And if they just "POOF" went away, it might very well mess up the eternal scheme of things. I might not become who I need to become to gain my own salvation, or to help those around me gain theirs.

And having gone through this particular trial 4 other times, I can at least know that the joy of meeting our new baby eclipses all the misery.
It seems to me a pattern of the exquisite joy we'll feel when we get to meet our Savior again, knowing the afflictions are past, and the fight has been won.

Anyway, so here's the video.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Blog Stress

Ok-at the beginning I told you my blog wouldn't be all cutesy. But, I have to admit, I got tired of blah brown.
So, here's something new.

Unfortunately, doing this stressed me out. Nobody told me I'd have to change all my font colors and my template!!!
This is why I decided not to make it cutesy in the first place.

And then the whole time, I'm trying to pick a background that was different than what I normally pick. You know-branch out, something new!

I could hear my mom's voice, "Sigh. Your wardrobe needs more color. Why don't you ever pick anything with color?" I could hear my husband's laughter when I tell him our house needs more color and then I go out and buy something.....
You guessed it..
brown.

I can't help it. I love earth tones, I've always love earth tones, and I will always love earth tones. When it's easter and springtime, my blog might STILL be earth tones.

But, for now-I've been saved by the fact that it's fall and we are SUPPOSED to celebrate earth tones right now.

So, cheer for the cut and paste! It's done. I have attempted to be a little cutesy.

A few of my Favorite Things...

So, another nightmare is keeping me awake with disturbed feelings. Apparently, it's normal.
Don't you love how they call a lot of weird and unpleasant things "normal" during pregnancy? Nausea, hands tingling, horrible nightmares, headaches, depression, leg cramps at night, hating to eat what you usually love, and loving what you usually hate, and all you get is, "Oh-that's normal"
I knew I never liked being normal. I much prefer being weird.

Ok-but I need to stop! Because I'm blogging tonight to be POSITIVE.
To get my disturbed nightmare out of mind by listing some of " my FAV-o-rite things".


So here goes:

fast food

thigh high nylons when I'm pregnant

When I'm in the dairy/meat aisle of the grocery store, throw in a package of hot dogs, and Olivia yells to her brother 15 feet away (and thus all other customers in the dairy/meat aisle) "Mom's being lazy again!!! She just put hot dogs in the cart!"

fast food

When my kids know it's Friday (our day off) and they sigh, "I wish we were doing school today."

When my husband gets home from work, ask the kids what they learned in school today, and they say, "nothing."

fast food

Fries dipped in Dairy Queen ice cream

fast food

online Christmas shopping

When my husband gets home from work, asks me how my day was, and my face crumples up like a little girl who's been trying not to cry all day because someone hurt her feelings, and my husband quickly says, "I'll make dinner."
Sigh. Gotta love that guy.

When the guy at church who (every single time I get pregnant) asks me "You do know how that happens, right?" (as if being pregnant is a mistake), miraculously doesn't ask me this time.
Maybe it's because last pregnancy when he said that, I gave him a Bertha look and one of those fake "a ha" laughs.
Obviously, Bertha doesn't have a very good sense of humor.

any food I don't have to make

When I make it all the way to October before I do my annual "lock the keys in my car" routine and wait 2 hours for the tow truck guy to unlock my van. Tell my husband to get me a car-breaker-inner thing for Christmas. PLEEEASSEE!

fast food

When an apostle of God says that his kids used to say "Stop touching me!" and "He's breathing my air!!!" during scripture reading. There is hope, people! There is hope!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

"And then I don't feeeeeeel so Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

Ok, so maybe this list would be better titled "Favorite Moments".

And I realize a lot of them were sarcastic. Sorry. That's Bertha. Or Sara on hormones.
And well....she's trying.

I am sincere about the fast food! and the thigh highs!

I feel much better now, don't you?

Guess I'll go back to sleep.

The Pattern Breaks

The nightmare test is still good. If you haven't heard what my nightmare test is, it's simply that I have nightmares when I'm pregnant, and only when I'm pregnant.

When I'm pregnant with a girl, it's a nightmare where I'm being attacked and am totally vulnerable. When it's a boy, I am very aggressively defending myself against attackers-you know, like killing people. Yes, they are fun dreams, let me tell you.

So, very very early on, I had this nightmare where it was kind of questionable what the gender was, but I thought it was a girly nightmare. But, then I had two very obvious boy nightmares.
(The last one of me single-handedly wrenching a gun from a school-shooting maniac-I'M A HERO!)

But I was kind of in denial because history shows it should be a girl, right?

So, our perfect GirlBoyGirlBoy pattern will be broken by the arrival of our next munchkin.

Yes, it's a boy. And he was very obvious about it and was even pointing at his gender with his right hand. I'd post the picture, but somehow that didn't seem like the thing to do.?

I have to admit, I am a little befuddled. I was totally into the alternating baby clothes thing, and to think that I'll be pulling out the baby BOY clothes a mere 22 months after using them for the last baby just kind of blows my groove.

But, he's healthy and we are of course, thrilled. And as my husband pointed out, our boys have a been a lot...uh...easier to deal with... so far... so this is a good thing.

Now, if only we could agree on Boy names.

And no, Bertha will have no say in naming the baby. She votes for Yugert Bilth. Ugh!